Make Life More Fun Tip #4: Wrestle Your Dog

Ever wonder why you’re dog’s barking at you all the time? It’s cause he thinks you’re a pussy!

Let’s get 1 thing straight: After the whole Vick/Mexico debacle that happened a few years ago, dog fighting has gotten a bad rap. Well that’s cause it should. Dog fighting is terrible. Dogs should not be fighting each other for sport or for gambling or for the entertainment of shkeezy assholes; Dogs should be fighting you! For dominance! For steak! And most importantly, for the right to pee on the couch!!!

So let’s all agree that “dog wrestling” is NOT “dog fighting”. It is good, playful fun, and I am a genius. Agreed? Agreed!

Objective: Pin your dog for a count of 3!

Here are the ground rules:

1. You must wrestle your own dog. Don’t go around wrestling other people’s dogs. That’s just weird. When you wrestle you’re own dog, it’s fine, CAUSE IT’S YOUR DOG!

2. Your dog is allowed to do the following:

You are allowed to:

  • use basic grapples

Understand? You need to pin your dog, THAT’S IT!


  • Costumes
  • Wrestling ring
  • Michael Buffer
  • Back stories/plot lines

Now I understand this may still be a bit confusing but just remember this: When you wrestle your dog, there’s a 50-50 chance you’ll win!

Now siiiit. Shaaaake. Fight! Good boy…

Front page image:

“Your Dog” still-frame from:

Scrappy-Doo Image from:

Make Life More Fun Tip #3: Watch this Karate Kid Montage

What’s that you say? You’ve never seen the original Karate Kid? Oh well I guess that’s understand…WAIT WHAT?!?!?!

You’re telling me you’ve never seen the greatest triumph of the human spirit ever recorded on video tape?? IT’S AWESOME!!!

Daniel Russo and his mother move to California from New Jersey. Dan’s a scrawny big mouth with a taste for babysitters (Elizabeth Shue), who eventually winds up the target of the local youth karateĀ  enthusiasts, all students of the Cobra Kai Dojo. One faithful night Daniel gets a small bit of revenge at a school dance, and when the Cobra Kai gang runs him into a corner, the maintenance man at his apartment complex (Mr. Miyagi) steps in and judo chops everybody! (Except with karate, not judo; don’t be racist, bro)

Daniel starts “learning” karate from Miyagi, solely for defense and the chance to compete against the Cobra Kai at the All Valley Karate Tournament. I won’t ruin the movie for you, but this video probably will! Still, watch it….now!


I love this montage. It’s pure awesome. I watch it before I have to write tests at school. That way I start every one of them with a confidence boost. There’s no need to be scared of covariance and tax equations if you know you’re the best around. Just steer clear of Ralph Macchio and his audit forms!

Front Page image from:

Make Life More Fun Tip #2: Use Words Inappropriately

This tip can easily be titled as “talk funny”, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that yoiu are concious of your inappropriate word choice.

Also, I’m using the term “inappropriate” to describe a word that doesn’t correctly fit into a sentence, most likely due to grammatical error or the fact that the word doesn’t really exist. Nevertheless, the term “inappropriate word” does NOT mean a swear word, a curse word, or any other word your mother with scold you for. You should be using those words on a daily basis already and shouldn’t need the a website to tell you so, even if it’s the greatest website ever created in the history of time. (Suck it Google, Wikipedia, and IMDB!)

As I was saying, talking funny is fun. Just now, when I typed “taking funny”, I totally said it “talkin'”. Because it’s fun. Totally fun.

So it can be as simple as saying the word “irregardless” instead of regardless”. It can be as simple as saying “wicked smaht” instead of “wicked smart”. It’s your choice, but here are some guidelines:

1. Make it your own

Movie and TV quotes are by no means off limits, but you want it to sound natural. There shouldn’t be a moment where you wait for someone to realize you’re talking like Forrest Gump. It should sound like you being you, just talking funny. And if someone does realize you’re referencing a movie or TV show, just say something like: “Yeah that’s where it’s from, but I like saying it”.

2. Don’t use it to death:

Whatever you’re saying, however you’re saying it, you shouldn’t be saying it 15 times in 5 minutes. Again, you want it to sound natural. It makes it funnier if you just slip it in once in a while, so check yourself before you riggity wreck yourself. Plus your friends won’t hate you as much if you don’t sound like a dumbass one-track Speak and Say.

*Disclaimer: This inspiration borders on potty talk. If you are easily shocked by the word “urine” or faint at the mention of bodily functions, you should probably skip it.

The inspiration for this tip is actually not taken from a movie or TV show, but something I find myself doing on a frequent basis. Aside from being super-awesome, I’m just a regular person like everyone else. I eat, I sleep, and on occasion, I go to the bathroom. What concerns me from time to time is how to excuse myself from situations when nature calls. It may be polite not to say anything too specific and just excuse myself. But there’s also a realization factor. I need to recognize the urge to go to the bathroom. And if that happens, I’m not usually thinking “I gotta pee” or “I gotta piss”. I usually think “I gotta urine”.

What you’ve probably noticed is that “urine” is a noun, and not a verb. The verb form is “urinate”. I have in fact used the word inappropriately (wink). Why? Two reasons:

1) I’m so lazy I don’t even want to think about an extra syllable.

2) It’s fun.

Nuff’ said? Nuff’ said.

I’m gonna go urine.

Make Life More Fun Tip #1: Are you HIM???

Whenever someone walks into a room that you’ve already been sitting in for a while, turn to them and before they say anything ask: “Are you him?”


Let’s say for example you’re the only one home. Outside in your neighbourhood is a gang of teenagers armed with clipboards laden with newspaper subscription forms. The doorbell rings. You’re expecting Swiss Chalet delivery so your habitual fear of opening the door for strangers is muted. You notice through the glass in the doorway that the person outside isn’t wearing a red windbreaker or red hat, and is carrying a said clipboard instead of a red delivery bag. You take a deep breath and open the door swiftly:

Teenager: Hel…

You: Are you HIM???

Teenager: Silence

You: Silence

Teenager: Backs away slowly

You: Closes door slowly

And no one ever asks you to sign up for a newspaper subscription again.


The inspiration for this tip comes from Lost (Season 2 Episode 2 “Adrift”). I’m not going to spoil anything for you late-comers, but essentially … well watch the video. (Technically, this is the 3rd time the question “Are you him?” is asked. To get the full effect check out the episode.)

Front Page image from: Lost – Season 2 Episode 2